Humans Malfunction Too

Today at work I watched my coworker tap her computer mouse on her desk. “Hmm,” she said to herself, “it keeps freezing up.”

How often does this type of unexpected malfunction happen with technology? Often! For example, an app closes out on the iPhone, forcing us to reopen again and again without warning or explanation. Or Netflix is unable to load Narcos, so we sit, always right at the climax of the episode, waiting and watching the little red wheel spin, stuck at 25%. A text won’t send, despite having “full bars” of service. A computer won’t connect to the internet, even though it says it’s connected.

Furthermore, our cars malfunction, our watch batteries die, our pens run out of ink, and our shoe laces come untied.
Material items malfunction all of the time. They do things to us that are unplanned, inconvenient, and annoying. That’s what things do.

This is relevant for me especially as of late. For the last few months, my TV has been shutting off randomly every 30 or 60 minutes. My wife and I now have an ongoing joke that when it happens it is our commercial break. We’ll be watching a great show on Amazon and all of a sudden, the screen goes dark. Without speaking, we typically reach for the remote, turn it back on, and keep watching until it happens again. We don’t get angry with the TV itself, although it’s frustrating. We don’t say, “Ugh! some TVs are just so careless and inconsiderate!” No, we let it off the hook because it’s a piece of plastic and glass. We let it malfunction without judging its character.

This is how we always respond with material items. When they malfunction, although we are frustrated, we typically do not let it take over our emotions, unless we are a toddler… A toddler throws her body on the ground in a fit if her toy breaks, but an adult realizes that this kind of attitude will accomplish little, so she taps the computer mouse on the desk, waits patiently, and then emotionally moves on. She doesn’t judge the iPhone app for shutting down, and she doesn’t despise the Netflix show for being stuck loading at 25%.

Yet, why is it that we don’t react this way with other humans? A driver merges in front of me without a blinker on the highway and I immediately create a story in my head about this person: “He’s probably a big selfish jerk who is inconsiderate and incompetent and totally intended to cut me off and he is mean and hates puppies and…” You get it.

When humans malfunction we judge, despise, complain, and criticize. When humans malfunction we assume it is either deliberate disrespect or we assume it’s inherent selfishness or incompetence. When humans malfunction we don’t forgive and move on, no, we build up a story about how it is personal. We get offended and we get nasty. We do this with strangers on the highway and we do it with our husbands, wives, friends, coworkers, and family.

I propose that we start treating humans as well as we treat technology. After all, humans malfunction too. The next time a person does something to offend you, can you chalk it up to a malfunction? Can you assume it is an innocent error rather than a deliberate attack? Can you assume the person means no harm and is human just like you? After all, when you yourself have accidentally merged into another lane of traffic cutting off another car, you certainly didn’t intend to ruin the other driver’s day, right? Then why do you assume such things for others in the same scenario? Let’s start letting other people off the hook and chalk their mishaps up to innocent malfunctions – because it’s true and because it will make your life better.

What would happen if we started treating humans as good as we treated technology? What would happen if we let other people off the hook easier? What would happen if we put as much thought and care into others as we put into our possessions? What would happen if we gave our spouses and friends and kids as much attention as we gave or smartphones? We’d be a lot better for it, and a lot happier too. But until we do that, I’ll just assume we mean well, but we’re just malfunctioning. Because humans malfunction too.

How and Why to Take Your First Ice Bath

“Difficult things aren’t easy, but they’re worth it.”

– Mia Love

Ice Baths and Performance

For years professional athletes have been taking ice baths after big games and tough practices to repair their bodies. There are mounds of research to show that this practice helps with injuries, soreness, and rehabilitation. Athletes can prolong their careers with an ice bath regiment, and the top NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL trainers have published a large amount of research on the topic.

“Cold exposure following a hard workout has long been proposed as a method to reduce tissue swelling due to muscle breakdown and help decrease inflammation. According to Dr. Mike Reinold, head physical therapist for the Boston Red Sox, ‘the proposed mechanisms of this includes reducing inflammation, flushing out muscles due to constriction of blood cells, decreasing metabolic activity, and compressing the muscles through hydrostatic pressure.’” – Men’s Fitness Article

Of course, ice baths are not easy to take, even for tough athletes like baseball players or UFC fighters. Getting into the ice can be part of a strict training regiment that world renowned trainers prescribe, but the athletes have a difficult time adhering to.

Watch the video below to see MMA fighters getting into ice baths. My favorite is at 3:14 when the fighter has to literally be held down into the water by his crew because he can’t stand the cold.

 

“Yes but Ice baths are for professional athletes only.”

I know what you are thinking at this point. It’s no surprise that professional athletes would sit in the ice, but why on earth would anyone else do it?

Most likely you believe that ice baths and cold water therapy are for professional athletes only, and there’s no reason you would ever consider trying it for yourself. That is fair. I felt the same way until I started reading up and found seven reasons to take an ice bath. Of course, there is a lot of research on the effects of cold water therapy, but for the sake of brevity (and laziness), I’ll keep it short here and you can do your own research if you don’t believe it.

 

Effects of Cold Water Therapy: 

1. Speeds up muscle recovery and helps with muscle soreness by reducing inflammation
2. Burns calories and speeds up metabolism
3. Promotes healthy skin and hair
4. Lifts your mood and can even possibly cure depression (research here)
5. Boosts immunity
6. Improves blood circulation
7. Helps in the practice of discipline, challenging of the mind, and getting intentionally uncomfortable for the sake of personal growth

 

Why I decided to give ice baths a try

I admit if I were reading this post up until now I probably would not be convinced, and you probably aren’t either. But about nine months ago I began experimenting with cold showers, and that was step-one in the direction of ice bath nirvana. After finally “sucking it up” and doing my first freezing cold shower back in May, I felt amazing (I wrote about it here). For months now I have been experiencing the benefits of cold showers on my mood, my health, and my thinking. I believe that cold showers made me more alert, made me sleep better, and made me better at work and in my relationships. And after experiencing these benefits, whether they were real or placebo, I figured it was time to take it to the next level and see if I could reap rewards from ice baths too. The cold showers were still serving their purpose as a deliberate “mind over matter” practice, but I figured if I wanted to step it up a notch is was either take an ice bath or walk across a bed of hot coals. I’ll take the ice.

So finally, last week I tried my first ice bath and I loved it. Was it challenging? Absolutely it was, but more in a “hurts so good” kind of way, not much different from a scalding hot tub or a deep tissue massage.

If you decide to follow my lead and take your own polar plunge in your bath tub any time soon, here is a quick brief on how to do it. I’m still experimenting with this and will continue to test, but as an “N of 1,” I still feel confident telling you that this will work for you too.

 

How to Take Your First Ice Bath

What you will need:

1. Ice  (duh)
   • I bought a 20lb bag of ice from a gas station for $4.00
   • I recommend starting at 20 lbs. You can add more ice later, but don’t over do it on the first one
2. A timer
   • I used my iPhone timer, but if you are worried about mixing electronics and water, find a manual one like this one for $7.00
3. A bath  (duh again?)
4. Two clean towels
5. Something to distract you
   • I was listening to a book on Audible: The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, but any audio distraction will help. You could also try a 6-minute song such as Brace for Impact by Sturgill Simpson (5:49) or you can go really hardcore with Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, but it’s only 4:10.
6. Will power
   • Make up your mind and do it!

How long to stay in: 

• 6 minutes (no longer)
  • Start here to build confidence and make sure you can handle it. 6 minutes is just long enough to make it past the “very uncomfortable” stage and just short enough to ensure no health risks with hypothermia or other health affects. (PS, this is a good time to say ‘I am not a doctor and you should discuss with your physician before trying this.’)

Other helpful tips:

• Doing this naked didn’t feel right to me (sorry for the visual). I wore compression pants and a compression shirt. I had read somewhere that compression tights would help, although I don’t know what affect it would have had. Either way, doing this fully clothed felt a little less weird than doing it in my birthday suit.
• Leave your hands and head outside of the bath. This helps regulate your body temperature.
• Listen to something motivational if you think you might need it:
  • As mentioned, I was listening to the audio version of The Magic of Thinking Big, a great book about, well, thinking big. The nature of the book gave me the willpower I needed to stay in the ice for the full six minutes.
  • If you don’t want to buy an audio book, here are a few other options on youtube:
    • Jocko Willink Epic Speech on Discipline (3:25)
    • How Bad Do You Want It (5:51)
    • Success – Motivational Speech 2016 (6:17)

Important final tip: Once you get out of the bath, wrap yourself in the two towels, one around your body and one around your feet, and DO NOT get into a hot shower to warm-up or you may lose a lot of the benefits you just suffered for. If you are still cold more than 15 minutes later, feel free to take a shower, but no sooner. Odds are you will warm up within a few short minutes and you will feel amazing.

Good luck with your first ice bath. If you try it, please leave a comment and let me know how it goes. If this is a little too crazy for you – try a cold shower to start. (See how easy a cold shower sounds after discussing ice baths?)

“The reality is, discipline is your best friend. It will take care of you like nothing else can. It will put you on that path. The path to strength and health and intelligence and happiness.”
– Jocko Willink, in the above mentioned “Epic Speech on Discipline”

 

 

Some other resources that add context and information:

• The Wim Hoff Method: http://highexistence.com/the-wim-hof-method-revealed-how-to-consciously-control-your-immune-system/
• Benefits of Cold Therapy on Men’s Fitness: http://www.mensfitness.com/training/pro-tips/benefits-of-cold-therapy
• The Minnesota Polar Plunge: http://www.plungemn.org/
• Ice Bucket Challenge: http://www.alsa.org/fight-als/ice-bucket-challenge.html?

Book Recommendation #3: Linchpin

“Stop settling for what’s good enough and start creating art that matters. Stop asking what’s in it for you and start giving gifts that change people. Then, and only then, will you achieve your potential.” p. 3, Linchpin

In Seth Godin’s masterpiece, Linchpin, he explains how any person can become indispensable in the modern marketplace. Being indispensable means ensuring that you are not without work and that you are highly compensated for the value you provide to others. This value is a gift that you give without barriers and without expectations. A gift that you bring every day to your work, which is your art.

Godin explains the way companies used to make money vs. the new marketplace. Instead of winning by being cheaper, the market is now demanding a new normal. Consumers want people who are human and remarkable. “The only way to get what you’re worth is to stand out, to exert emotional labor, to be seen as indispensable, and to produce interactions that organizations and people are deeply about.” (pp. 27)

In Linchpin, we get an introspection into why we buy and how to sell ourselves. The theory is that when we act as consumers, we choose connections over everything. You buy an album because the artist’s music speaks to you. You choose a realtor not just because she is knowledgeable about homes in your area, but because she remembers your kids’ names and your hobbies and seems to really care about you. You decide on a new purse because it’s not just a bag, but it’s that you believe the designer tells a story about you as a person. These connections are the main components in the new marketplace, where consumers are willing to pay more money for a service or product because they feel that what is being given to them is a gift from another human. A creation. It’s the reason Etsy is growing rapidly. It’s the reason Pinterest is more interesting than Google image search. The people who create these gifts are Linchpins, and the rest of the book tells the reader how to become one, including the detail of concepts like “Real Artists Ship,” which is one I think about almost every day at work.

Linchpin is one of the few books that I recommend to anyone and everyone. It will teach you how to be excited and passionate about your work, even if your work is not exciting or fulfilling by nature. It will teach you how to be a good employee, artist, business owner, manager, leader, philanthropist, volunteer, friend.  I hope you get as much out of it as I did.

Chris

“Great work is not created for everyone. If it were, it would be average work.” (pp. 171)

 

Podcasts: Where to Start (8 Great Episodes)

I’m still shocked when I find out that many of my friends and colleagues do not listen to podcasts and have no interest in starting. To me, this is purely a missed opportunity for them. It would be comparable to saying that they aren’t interested in a great show on Netflix, or that they wouldn’t be willing to check out an amazing music playlist. Why not? It’s great content that enriches your life.

In the podcast world, like TV and radio, there is something for everyone, whether it be for entertainment value in shows like the first season of Serial, which tells the true story of a teenager in Baltimore who might be wrongly convicted of murder; or whether it be to gain knowledge and insight, like the many TED Talk channels that exist. No matter what your interest is, there is probably a Podcast show that everyone would enjoy.

The beauty of the podcast platform is that it is highly unregulated and also mostly unadulterated from advertising. Unlike on the radio, where the advertisements seem to take up as much time as the real content, ad time in podcasts are only a small fraction of the show. Most podcast hosts are producing their own content without a big broadcasting organization dictating their format or their content.

In addition, podcasts give us insight into some of the brightest and most interesting personalities today, all at the convenience of our own schedule. You can either stream or download the episodes to play anywhere at any time, and you can pause and resume as needed. You can be a fly on the wall listening to Lebron James talking with his friends on the Open Run podcast or you can listen to a closed-door interview with the CEO of GoDaddy on FORTUNE Unfiltered.

Some will say “I just don’t listen to podcasts,” and I believe that it is almost certainly because they don’t know where to start. It is true that there are hundreds of shows and thousands of episodes and choosing a winner to start with can be daunting. To make matters more complicated, I will admit that for every great episode I have heard, I have probably heard three episodes that bored me to tears. Those were the ones I quit immediately and moved on. Again, just like TV shows, you will have your gems and you will have your duds.

For this purpose, I am listing eight episodes that I enjoyed listening to in the last year, and I simply hope that it helps you get started. In addition, I list at the end a number of shows that I’ve listened to or subscribed to at some point. These episodes and shows aren’t for everyone, but if you share any of my interests, you will probably find some value in at least one of them. Enjoy.

1. 1. The Scariest Navy SEAL I’ve Ever Met… And What He Taught 
      The Tim Ferriss Show
      September 25, 2015
      Jocko Willink was the SEAL platoon commander in one of the bloodiest war zones in Iraq. To put his significance into perspective, Jocko was American Sniper’s Chris Kyle’s boss, and his stories and life lessons he shares are amazing.
   2. Seal
      The Forward Podcast
      August 15, 2016
      Lance Armstrong interviews singer Seal in an honest look at Seal’s childhood struggles as well as his current passions.
   3. The Big Man Can’t Shoot
      Revisionist History
      June 29, 2016
      Malcolm Gladwell exposes the idea that people often refuse to do things “the right way” because we are more focused on what others might think about us if we are different than we are on success.
   4. Simply Happy
      TED Radio Hour
      December 29, 2016
      The show compiles a number of various TED Talks to discuss practical ways to make yourself happier.
   5. What Are You Waiting For?
      Freakonomics Radio
      August 10, 2016
      A hilarious economical and sociological investigation into the absurdity of waiting in long lines.
   6. John McAfee: The Most Interesting Man in the Universe
      The James Altucher Show
      September 16, 2015
      An interview with the security software McAfee’s founder, a man who got his security clearance because he listed “all of them” under the CIA’s background check question “which illegal drugs have you taken?”
   7. #1 How Not to Pitch a Billionaire
      StartUp Podcast
      August 29, 2014
      The beginning of one man’s honest journey to start a new company, and the unfiltered audio of his embarrassing flop when he pitched billionaire Chris Sacca on why he should invest.
   8. Patagonia: Yvon Chouinard
      How I Built This
      December 11, 2016
      An interview with the founder of clothing brand Patagonia, and his unique perspective on running his business, which includes offering an onsite daycare service for his employees. 

 

Lastly, if none of these eight episodes are interesting to you, there are hundreds of others that may appeal as well. One you subscribe to these podcasts you will see the endless repository of great episodes.

Below is a list of shows that I have subscribed to and enjoyed at some point in the last few years (in no specific order):

• The Tim Ferriss Show
• How I Built This
• Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History
• Jocko Podcast
• The Art of Charm
• Serial (season 1, but not season 2)
• 99% Invisible
• Open Run
• FORTUNE Unfiltered
• The Forward
• TED Talks (audio)
• TED Radio Hour
• HBR IdeaCast
• Ben Greenfield Fitness
• The Fat-Burning Man Show
• The James Altucher Show
• We Study Billionaires
• NPR Planet Money
• StartUp Podcast
• Revisionist History
• This is Your Life with Michael Hyatt
• Reality San Francisco
• The EntreLeader Podcast
• Makers of Minnesota
• Smart People Podcast
• 33voices
• Barbell Shrugged
• Stuff You Missed in History Class
• Freakonomics Radio
• Side Hustle School
• Stuff You Should Know
• The Dave Ramsey Show

Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert?

“His retreat into himself is not a final renunciation of the world, but a search for quietude, where alone it is possible for him to make his contribution to the life of the community.”
― Carl Jung, The Collected Works of C.G. Jung, p. 552

It is Saturday afternoon, and I’m sitting in a coffee shop reading and now writing. For many, this would seem like a waste of time. For others who would even find it appealing, it may not be possible for such luxuries. Parents, employees, and those alike couldn’t make the time to sit alone with their thoughts for hours on end. Luckily for me, I have the time to do it, and it is one of my great pleasures.

As a millennial, I grew up wondering the answer to the question: “Am I an introvert or an am I an extrovert?” It seemed a question needing an answer.

At a young age, I made a lot of friends, tried hard always to be outgoing, and even joined student council as a sort of popularity test in 4th grade. All of this to hopefully push myself off the fence and into the camp of the admirable extroverts.

In my mind, extroverts were cool, fun people that got what they wanted in life. While introverts, on the other hand, were quiet nerds who stood in the corner while the extroverts soaked in all of the attention and took all of the success.

But as I grew older I struggled with this concept, like so many do. I wondered if I was the only one who felt this way, but after discussing with my adult friends recently, I confirmed that I wasn’t the only one. Being introverted certainly had negative connotations. While being an extrovert was associated with popularity and fun. Even dictionary.com defines an introvert as “a shy person” and an extrovert as “an outgoing, gregarious person.” After reading those definitions, doesn’t everyone hope they are an extrovert?

Being an introvert just wasn’t an option for me. If I wanted to succeed in business and in life, I needed to build relationships, gain trust, and communicate openly. And, if I can be so bold to say, that is exactly what I have done. For the last six years I have been in outside sales for two different companies, which, in both, I have experienced success. Corporate sales is a job predicated on the fearlessness of social interaction, and I believe I have been fearless. I have been the guy at happy hour who holds the attention of ten people around a table; I have stood in rooms full of fifty or more people, giving engaging presentations and smiling; and I have attended ten meetings in one day, smiling and conversing with the energy of the UPS Delivery Guy from MadTV. Yet, among all of this, among my perceived “outgoingness” and my apparent “social comfort,” I still didn’t feel like I was an extrovert.

After all, extroverts are the people with the brightest smiles, the boisterous laughs, and the ones surrounded by friends. That picture seemed too perfect to be me. Although I feel that I can sometimes flip a switch and “perform” at work when I need to, I often don’t feel natural in any of it. Instead, I felt exhausted.

While I look back and wonder how I would have answered the question at various moments in my life, the truth is that years have passed while I gave the concept little thought at all. I went about living my life, pursuing career success, and building real friendships. Whether I was labeled as either an introvert or an extrovert was mostly irrelevant, and a thought I was unwilling to entertain, until recently. A few months ago someone told me new definitions for the two terms, and I want to share them with you.

An extrovert, I was told, is someone who is energized and recharged by being around other people.

An introvert, on the other hand, is someone who is energized and recharged by being alone.

Alas, it made complete sense! The delineation between the two has nothing to do with shyness or gregariousness, and everything to do with how social settings make a person feel. After all, even the most extroverted person will be shy at times and certainly want to be left alone, but in order to feel recharged and energized, he will need to surround himself with people. An introvert, on the other hand, can be outgoing and social when he needs to be, but it will drain his energy. In order to feel rejuvenated, the introvert needs time alone.

For the first time in my life, I can answer this question. However, having a definition about myself isn’t an accomplishment, and it shouldn’t be for you either. After all, none of us want to be labeled or put in a box. You can’t put every person into one of two categories. However, understanding how you personally gain energy through social interaction is critical for your happiness and for your success.

For me, I have found that setting aside time to be alone is what makes me happy, recharges my batteries, and propels me forward to be able to be socially outgoing and charismatic when I finally am around a group of people. This realization was one of significant impact on my life. Knowing this about myself freed me up to spend more time alone, with the understanding that I was making deposits into my life around others. Now, whether I am journaling, reading, exercising, thinking, or simply folding the laundry – I believe that I am unlocking my potential for a greater happiness, greater success, and greater relationships. My wish is that everyone can understand this simple concept and unlock their own potential as well.

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family…”

“…I also believe that introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.”

– Susan Cain, in her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t be Stopped

 

Your Marathon

Picture her, a lean runner jogging briskly through a freshly paved path between green and brown earth. The crisp autumn wind bites at her cheeks. She is alone, early in the morning as she has been so many other mornings. The sun, just moments ago reflected an orange blaze across the horizon, but now the sky settles in blue for the morning. She breathes deep and her chest fills with oxygen and with strength. Her eyes water and she squeezes them shut to clear focus in on the upcoming bend in the road. She realizes that at this time she feels completely in the moment and in this moment she is weightless and she lets a smile peak through her breath. A thought passes through her, “is this ‘Runner’s High?'”

She has heard about the high before – the state of euphoria that a person experiences while gliding over the pavement, both exhausted and also simultaneously completely full of energy. This, she thinks, is the first time she has actually felt it, even after training hard for so many months.

Each step, though there have been many steps, begin to take rhythm as if part of a perfect little symphony, timed and measured and playing along. There is no orchestra and there is no conductor, but she feels the energy of a concert. And though the pace has covered many miles, she breaths perfectly on each stride, pushing forward.

This particular runner is training for a marathon. She has been training for months, disciplining herself with hours of street-time, early mornings, and an unruly appetite. She has, for most of her life, wanted to run a marathon, and now, just one week from today, she will get her chance.

What is it about the marathon that so appeals her? It is the great challenge. It is her Everest. No, to be clear, it is not literally the towering mountain in the Himalayans, but it feels so in her deep breathing and in her tired legs. It is her Unicorn. No, it is not unreal or mythical, but the mental fortitude she has needed to train never seemed real before it began either. It feels very real now. It is her Big Accomplishment. A moment that won’t define her as a human being, but it will define her. Absolutely it will. For her, and thousands of others like her, the marathon is not a race, it is a challenge of character. One that stares at her, tempting and taunting every moment before she can say she did it. If she fails to conquer, she anticipates with angst a feeling of failure. If she succeeds, she knows with certainty that she will feel success. And yes, she is sure, based on everything she has ever known that success itself has a distinct feeling.

The marathon is nothing more than a feat to accomplish. A barrier between a person and her self-worth. The marathon, running 26.2 miles on a cold Saturday morning, may not motivate everyone, however. It may not be everyone’s “Everest.” Another person may view in a similar manner such a challenge as unappealing or even foolish.

This person, one with no interest whatsoever in running a marathon, may instead have other obstacles between her and her self-worth. These feats of accomplishment might be a career promotion, starting a business, learning a skill, landing the perfect mate, or a special travel experience. Each person has a marathon to run, but it isn’t always a marathon. After all, what is a marathon? Why 26.2 miles? Why the bumper stickers and the bravado for such an event?

The marathon, as it is known today, originated when a Greek messenger “raced from the site of Marathon to Athens, a distance of about 40 kilometers, or nearly 25 miles, with the news of an important Greek victory over an invading army of Persians in 490 B.C. After making his announcement, the exhausted messenger collapsed and died. To commemorate his dramatic run, the distance of the 1896 Olympic marathon was set at 40 kilometers” (source, History Channel).

Forty kilometers is equivalent to about twenty-five miles. A distance long enough to strike a runner dead even with the most passionate of motivations to finish in good health. The marathon presents a feat of accomplishment, but one of great struggle. One of celebration and victory, but also one of death.

Every person needs marathons in his or her life. Big audacious goals and aspirations that feel ridiculously out of reach. Everests. Unicorns. In this, the rise to such a challenge, a person finds fervor and excitement similar to the euphoria that a person experiences while gliding over the pavement, exhausted and full of energy all at once.

What is your Marathon? What exhilarates you and excites you? What are you living for? What are you working towards? Go get it.

Have a Plan for Your Life… And Sometimes Even Stick to It

Looking Back and Looking Forward

One year has come to an end and another has begun. As I summarize 2016 I can quite easily look back at this blog and see the thoughts, hobbies, and ideas that permeated in my mind and heart over the last year. After eight months of having this site, I’ve learned a lot. One thing, quite obvious, is that consistently taking the time to write is very consuming.

Another lesson, however, has resonated with me in 2016 and I hope to carry it into the new year to become a better me, and, if you are reading this, I hope it will help you become a better you too.

Over the last eight months on itsmechris.com, I have written about various topics with some major themes relating to discipline, planning, priorities, organization, and other similar topics that would make the laziest of peoples’ stomachs churn. My writing has revealed [to myself] that I have a passion for managing and attempting to dictate my life so that I can control the outcomes. This opposed to instead letting life merely happen to me, which runs the dangerous risk of leaving me possibly lazy, broke, unhealthy, alone, or unhappy.

I have attempted to dictate outcomes through detailed goal setting, controlled consumption and fasting, rigorous plans for my finances, career, and fitness, and other ways. I have even gone as far as to map out my life with a mind-mapping software called SimpleMind, and had the idea that I could follow a specific life plan for myself for the next five, ten, and fifty years.

Through this blog this year you have seen my passion for this attempt at life control, and maybe you have even tried some of it for yourself, possibly being as crazy as to take a cold shower, go on a social media fast, or rigorously plan each day with systematic routine, like I have. If you tried any of it then bravo! if you didn’t, but even if you valued anything I had to say, you will still understand this idea of being deliberate about creating systems and controls that propel you towards growing as a professional, a friend, and simply, a human being.

 

What I’ve learned: 

This year I have read voraciously. I have planned and scheduled and prioritized. I have journaled ad nauseam. I have held a disciplined diet. I have stuck to my budget and saved my pennies. I have been intentionally uncomfortable. And all of these things, these systems and controls, have brought great value to my life, but at a cost.

What I’ve learned is that sticking to my workout regiment means less time spent with my family and friends. Committing to my budget means missing memorable shows, fun concerts, extravagant food, and more. Media fasts mean being less aware. Social media fasts mean being less connected. Time learning a new skill means less time at work or less time relaxing. You get the picture. Every aspect of discipline comes with a cost. And while I love the idea of discipline, I have to remember that its purpose is to bring freedom.

 

My Realization: Discipline Equals Freedom

Over the holidays the cookies were pouring into my lap and the egg nog was flowing. Time was spent lying around the TV with family instead of getting after it in the gym. In addition, I spent more than the budget allowed and I took time off of work and jiu jitsu. It would seem that from December 24 to January 1, I had no discipline, no systems, and no dictating my own life. I have been jolly and plump and lazy. And that’s a good thing.

Jocko Willink, one of my favorite authors and podcasters, says often that “discipline equals freedom.” I didn’t realize what he meant until recently. Then I realized, as my wife was encouraging on our date night to “try the key lime pie” that everything I had done up until now was for this moment. Every time I refused cake and stuck to my “healthy habits” made this time possible. I stuffed my face and never looked back, enjoying more the moment with her than the cake itself.

I realized that the discipline I have had allows me to have the freedom to be undisciplined when I choose to.

I realized that if I save rigorously, then I get to spend frivolously on the things that matter to me. I realized this in October as I shared an expensive (but memorable) nine-course meal at Madrid’s wonderful Gaytan Restaurant. I realized this as I stuffed my face with three scoops of creme brulee flavored ice cream at San Francisco’s Bi-Rite Creamery (pictures below). I realized this as I Netflix-binged on the couch with my wife instead of reading or going to the gym.

Furthermore, I realized:

• I do not serve my to-do list, but rather, my to-do list serves me.
• My schedule does not dictate my day, I dictate my schedule.
• I do not follow helplessly through a diet or training regiment, but rather, I get to decide (by listening to my body) how healthy I feel, and I adjust accordingly.

Most importantly, I realized:

• I am not a failure if I did not accomplish my goals. Those goals were there to make me better, and they served their purpose, whether I fell short or I exceeded expectations.
• Time spent being disciplined has payoff, but time spent with loved ones pays off so much more.
• Life planning is a model for thought and reflection, but life living is what I am on earth to do, so I will enjoy it.

I realized that all of the systems for improving and controlling the outcomes in life are extremely valuable and they help us to level up and become better versions of ourselves, but that these controls bring freedom to live above where we started, but yes, to live. The lesson I learned in my end-of-year reflection is simple: the systems exist to serve me, I do not exist to serve the systems. Apply this to your own life and you will certainly enjoy your freedom and live life to the fullest. I know I will.

Happy New Year.